I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
