Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
