So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
