You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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