Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
