And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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