im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
