Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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