Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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