Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
