Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
