I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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