sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
