My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
