Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
