We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i came on her dog
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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