Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
