we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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