At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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