So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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