I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
