apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
