So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
