Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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