then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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These tits shall not be calmed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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