Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i out mim tonsoeep
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