it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
