Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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