Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
