i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
