dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
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Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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