Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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