I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think a kid would responsible me up
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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