Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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