There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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