Swine flu. Run for my life!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
