Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
