road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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