I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
