just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
