Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
