if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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