hotel room ftw
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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