Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
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I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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