we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
