then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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