Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
vagina is talking i cant
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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