did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
