i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
