I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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