fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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