your parents love me but you hate me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize