we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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