I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize