there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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