i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
