Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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