So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
