I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
