Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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