In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
