pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
