I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I can tuck mytits in my pants
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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