I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
