How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
