Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
