i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
