Nicole vs. Life
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
